"You're Not Cut Out for Nursing School" Part 1

So, here’s what happened:

Three weeks ago, on Wednesday November 15th (the day I wrote the “Creative Writing” post) also the day before my big Med Surg exam, my Biomed professor emailed me a letter suggesting that I withdraw from the program, take an A&P class, and try again next year. Or, if I wanted to, I could continue in the class. Hello??!! If I want to?!? Seriously.

It took me a minute to actually realize it was happening. He sent it to me so casually. The first thing I said aloud (in the library, sitting next to a friend) was “and you’re emailing this to me?!” Almost on cue, I received another email from him that said the hard copy would be in my mailbox, and good luck with my Med Surg exam. I’m thinking, ok so you did in fact know that I had a huge exam the next day…did you not think this would negatively impact my ability to concentrate on that…or did you simply not care…or are you angry because people like her class better than yours? But whatever, in that moment I decided not to go to my creative writing thing (in my opinion, electives are not an option if you aren’t passing the fundamentals) and had to relinquish my spot to someone else. I really wanted to participate in that workshop but, again, whatever.

This is why I was so angry:

1. I went to him after I failed the first exam, and he brushed me off, and told me “don’t worry about it, a lot of people failed it – go talk to the TA.” Ok, so, I tried not to worry about it, and went and talked to the TA like he told me to. That was disastrous. She told me that the reason I wasn’t doing well in his class was probably because I had an “attitude” toward him. Right then and there, I was done with her silly self. Whether he is good professor or not (he’s not) and whether I like him or not, I came to you to get assistance with the course, so how about you help me with the material, instead of critiquing what you think my attitude toward him is or should be. And, her advice was terrible. I did what she suggested because I thought, ok-maybe she knows something I don’t since she passed the class last year. The result of that faulty study technique was that I failed the second exam with a score even lower than I failed the first. Needless to say, meeting with her is no longer an option for me.

2. He did not EVER meet with me before he sent out the letter. I think the least he could have done was to meet with me and voice his concerns, and maybe even give me a head’s up that the letter was coming. It seems to me that there is just a way to do things, and that wasn’t it. Especially since the letter was also forwarded/cc’d to all the deans, too. How unprofessional.

3. Wouldn’t it have made sense to actually look at my file before suggesting that I take a year off to take A&P when I already took a year of A&P and am currently in the university’s A&P course? No, sir, taking yet another year of A&P is not going to help me. The letter also gave some suggestions for how I might be able to improve my grade if I was going to remain in the class. Again, these suggestions were uninformed. 5 of the 7 were things I was already doing! (ie: come to class, tape the lectures, meet with the TA) The last two things had to do with test taking (take the test in a room by myself, and I could have longer to take the exam). The exam is forty questions long and we already have 2 hours…time was never an issue. These were all things that could have been discussed, had he been willing to meet with me.

And lastly (and most importantly)…Who the hell are you to suggest I leave the program before I have even failed the class? What makes you think that I can not pull myself out of a hole, especially when all I need is 77 on the exam? How can you possibly say (and write down) that you don’t think it is possible for me to get the 77 I need - you don’t know me, or anything about me.

You might think you know but, clearly, you have no friggin’ idea.

It took me weeks of processing to understand it totally, even though I had H in my ear telling it to me all along (thanks H) but I finally organized it in my brain, and hopefully I won’t have to relearn/reconvince myself after this, because honestly it takes too much time. But basically, it came down to this:

When or if I leave this place it will be because I say so, and for no other reason. I will not be intimidated or otherwise coerced into defeat by him or any other person who is not wise enough to recognize my committment to my purpose in this world.