Losing My Mind

Not even five minutes ago, the eternal question resurfaced: Why *Ivy1*? I am so sick of the bullshit. I am just going to be ornery and answer "Why not?" from now on. Why in the hell is it so hard to understand? I have all of these wonderful, non-defensive answers worked out now (because I have been asked so many times) but at this point I just want to say "because I want to, and that's enough." What is wrong with people? Why must I be mediocre? And when I say mediocre, I am not comparing myself to people who don't want to go to the schools I aspired to go to, I am only comparing myself to myself. Why should I not push myself to my fullest potential? I know, and they know, that I have always wanted to be in a place where I fit in intellectually, where people don't ask silly shit like "why are you reading?" or "are you going to spend all day in the library/book store?" or "when is enough school going to be enough?" or "what does that have to do with your degree?" like the only knowledge I should attempt to acquire is that which is directly related to one freaking degree. Are you kidding me? Some people learn just for the sake of learning. Some people read simply because they can, and it feels good. Some people write because they can't not write. I am one of those people, and I can't wait to sit in a room full of other people who feel the same way. Not people who feel the same way I do about everything in life - hell, it's better when smart people disagree because that's when real discussion happens. But I can't wait to be in a room full of people who don't consider critical thinking to be abnormal. People who are pissed that the library is closing right when the article was getting good, or when they finally found the book they wanted to browse only to find out that it must remain in the library. I want to have coffee with thinkers on a regular basis, and I don't want to spend too many hours of my life trying to coordinate it. Yes, you can call me at 4 in the morning to say "I can't stop thinking about what Cosey said, did you get it?" or "I can't sleep, can u believe what professor X said in class today?" Yeah, I might ask "What time is it?" but I will talk about the topic at hand just the same, and be thankful that you gave me something new to think about.

I swear, people will make you feel like you're crazy if you let them. There aint nuthin wrong with me. I know exactly what I want, and I am not going to be bothered by the fact that it exceeds what you happened to have imagined for me. You should've dreamed bigger.