A Couple is a Family, too.

My father called and asked "I don't have any grandchildren on the way yet, do I?" with his beautiful laughter. This is the #1 most frequently asked question by me and my husband's families. The words vary ever so slightly (when are ya'll havin kids? why don't ya'll have some kids? what are ya'll waiting for? how long ya'll been married again? when am I going to be an uncle/an aunt/a grandma, great grandma?) I can almost handle those now, but this one I hate: "When are ya'll gonna start a family?"

Arrrrggh. We are a family. Right now, as we are. We don't need to have children to be a family. I have had a brief, but intellectual conversation about this before (afterall, it doesn't take long if you get right down to it) and yes, we realize that we are a "couple," but we also realize that we are a two-person f-a-m-i-l-y. Would we say that a woman and her child are not a family because there are only two of them, and there is no father? No. We (and the imaginary woman and child) eat dinner together, play together, and celebrate holdiays together just like everyone else. I think people forget this when they ask us for stuff. People ask us to do things that they wouldn't dare ask a family with children to do. Like, go to the grocery store for them on Christmas morning. "I couldn't call Eli because her kids are opening their presents" or "I didn't want to bother Viv because she might be getting the kids ready for bed." It never occurs to them that me and my husband might be opening the presents that we got eachother, or that we were in the middle of giving eachother massages. Yes, I realize that we can just turn off the phone, but that's not the point. The point is, we deserve the same respect and consideration as those with children. We are more than willing to lend a hand, and we voluntarily do more than our fair share because we wholeheartedly understand the challenges of raising children and the gift of a little more time that we have been granted because we don't have children. However, please be mindful that one of the very few things that we are allowed in the world of infertility is our time spent alone together, and we don't take kindly to it being abused or taken for granted. We cherish our "family time" just like you.

WOW. That felt good.