January flew by. One of the things I realize is that I missed it! One of my goals for the year was to be in the moment more often, which for me starts with being in the month, instead of constantly thinking about the 1/5/10 year projection of my life. It is so easy to live lecture to lecture, test to test in nursing school. In a way, that is living day to day, in the moment, but it is also a very narrow view because school is always the focus. Some would say, "but oh that is the life of the student" but what I realize is that my life in general has been a bit heavy on the waiting...when was an undergrad, I couldn't wait to finish and get the hell away from that institution, now I can't wait to be done with this RN-heavy year of my grad program and get on to things I'm actually interested in, and as I looked at my pitiful W2, I can't wait to finish all this education and actually get a job...I am not a career student (contrary to what my family probably thinks!) My point is that I spend a lot of my life "waiting" for it to really start, instead of being grounded in the reality that it has very much started in the here and now, and as I wait for it, it is passing me by. That's so cliche. I've read the million emails that tell you to live each day like it's your last, but I just don't have the guts I guess. But what I can do is write down more than just my work/school/clinical/social schedule in my planner. I can write down a goal for the week and a confirmation that I successfully achieved it. I can write down something out of the ordinary that I did that day before I go to bed. The whole idea is to be able to look back on the month and feel like I did something other than take 3 exams, work 50 hours, log 65+ hours of clinical, or meet a classmate to study. Maybe if I have a written record that I've helped my brother with his math homework, or me and my husband went to dinner, or I read a book in a beautiful library for two hours, or I went to a coffee house and journaled about my life on Maple Street, I would be less likely to feel like my whole life is passing me by while I'm in this program...
My goal for next week is to make a list of 25 things I want to do before I die, and to visit a new place on campus.
2 comments:
i can really relate to this entry - I realized recently that I'm just as narrowly focused on school as workaholic corporate types are on their jobs (and I have such a low opinion of their quality of life - how am i surprised when i'm not feeling "in it").
i like the idea of a tangible goal each week.
i did a 101 in 1001 (the 101 things you'd like to do in 1001 days) list a year or so ago, and it was fun, but it's really odd to me how many things seem like filler now that I look back at it.
confronting my own mortality doesn't motivate to do this kind of shift in perspective. honestly, all it does is make me more likely to blow things off and stay under my comforter all day.
Hey! Thanks for listening and posting! Just realized that I had a comment (or two)!
LP
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