A Couple is a Family, too.

My father called and asked "I don't have any grandchildren on the way yet, do I?" with his beautiful laughter. This is the #1 most frequently asked question by me and my husband's families. The words vary ever so slightly (when are ya'll havin kids? why don't ya'll have some kids? what are ya'll waiting for? how long ya'll been married again? when am I going to be an uncle/an aunt/a grandma, great grandma?) I can almost handle those now, but this one I hate: "When are ya'll gonna start a family?"

Arrrrggh. We are a family. Right now, as we are. We don't need to have children to be a family. I have had a brief, but intellectual conversation about this before (afterall, it doesn't take long if you get right down to it) and yes, we realize that we are a "couple," but we also realize that we are a two-person f-a-m-i-l-y. Would we say that a woman and her child are not a family because there are only two of them, and there is no father? No. We (and the imaginary woman and child) eat dinner together, play together, and celebrate holdiays together just like everyone else. I think people forget this when they ask us for stuff. People ask us to do things that they wouldn't dare ask a family with children to do. Like, go to the grocery store for them on Christmas morning. "I couldn't call Eli because her kids are opening their presents" or "I didn't want to bother Viv because she might be getting the kids ready for bed." It never occurs to them that me and my husband might be opening the presents that we got eachother, or that we were in the middle of giving eachother massages. Yes, I realize that we can just turn off the phone, but that's not the point. The point is, we deserve the same respect and consideration as those with children. We are more than willing to lend a hand, and we voluntarily do more than our fair share because we wholeheartedly understand the challenges of raising children and the gift of a little more time that we have been granted because we don't have children. However, please be mindful that one of the very few things that we are allowed in the world of infertility is our time spent alone together, and we don't take kindly to it being abused or taken for granted. We cherish our "family time" just like you.

WOW. That felt good.

A Tribute

Yesterday was my husband's birthday. We had a blast. The best part was the steak, lobster, and shrimp!

We're clicking and vibing more than usual lately (as in the last 6 months). Probably because he's being a lot more responsible than usual, and probably because I've been reading so many articles lately about the state of black men in this country right now that I feel especially blessed to have at least a sane black man. I don't know how he does it. He's more engaged in his life right now than ever, despite the fact that it seems life just keeps getting tougher. I am amazed by his growth and proud to still be married to him despite how many times I've said I'd rather not be. He's smarter than most people realize, more beautiful than any other man I know, and makes me laugh more than anyone else has ever been able to.

God I love this man.

My Birthday Weekend!

I saw my frist Broadway play this past weekend! Saturday was my birthday and we (my husband and me) celebrated in Harlem while visiting a friend. The Color Purple was wonderful. In fact, the whole weekend was beautiful. The whole time I was in the moment of it and I felt like I had arrived at a place in my life that I was waiting to get to. That's weird, but basically for once I was doing something exactly as I had hoped/imagined I would be doing it, with who I imagnied I'd be doing it with in my adult life...instead of waiting to be old enough/rich enough/free enough to do it...the time had finally come, and it felt like it was only the beginning of what my life is finally going to be like...it was so exciting!

This will be a good year for me, I feel it now.

What a Weekend!

I dropped my cousin off to the airport today after a wonderful weekend. I didn't want to see her go. I wish my generation - especially the ones I'm close to - would all live in the same city or at least very, very close to one another...I think our lives would be different, better. When I think about all the Sunday dinners, trips, birthday parties and a million other things that take place in families like mine it makes me wonder how we (my generation) will ever continue those things if we all continue to spread out from eachother. I think if we had of started out somewhere other than Omaha, NE we might have had a chance, but since no one under 40 wants to live in Nebraska we've ended up all over the place. It'd be nice if we could come to a mutual understanding on a general area to live...I miss my people.

Anyway we had a great weekend while it lasted! I had plenty of stuff planned and some downtime, too. We went to the city Saturday and spent the night there with our other cousin and his girlfriend. We ate at P.Diddy's place (Justin's) and at Sylvia's in Harlem. We had good drinks every where we went (we were so sick over the weekend from all of the liquer mixing; we're getting too old for this) We partied at a club called Eugene's and it was great, but scary because they did not obey the maximum capacity rules and eventually we had to leave from fear of being trampled or a fire breaking out...especially since it was clear that some serious weed smoking was going on. And I was made because it cost $30 for girls and $40 for boys to get in and I had to be searched and patted to get in. But the party was worth the pain...even if not worth the money.

For some reason I've been getting hit on a lot lately, and NYC was no different, except the men were so much more aggressive it seemed...there was a lot of "stuck up" "conceited" "bourgeoisie" name calling going on. And I kept thinking, "if you weren't trying to practically have sex with me on the dance floor, I would dance with you more!" I mean, whatever happened to the respectful bump and grind? I turned down a drink from a guy who was too much to handle and he got an attitude...I thought I was being nice...I mean, spend your money on a girl you actually have a chance to take home, or who is at least single...I know these drinks are expensive! (And I can afford my own...but if he had of been a little less aggressive, I would have gotten something)

We also went to a club that was having an African dance party and I got to practice a little French which was fun. My cousin lost her mind in that club! LOL I ain't mad at her though, get it, get it! LOL

It's a Miracle!

We have cable. And a home phone. And .... THE INTERNET! Aren't we progressive? LOL It really is a little shocking that we went this long without it all because we really do like TV, and not having a computer with internet last semester was really a setback. (Did I mention we bought a computer last week?) I mean really, I was missing out on a lot of last minute information before exams because people like to send out emails at 2 am while we're studying...and whenever I needed to use the computer to study I had to go to school for the entire 4 or 5 hour study session. Whether or not I will be able to concentrate enough to actually study home will be another issue...

But I am glad that now I can record all my favorite TV shows while I'm studying, and watch them all on the weekend without any guilt! Oh, and I get to watch Oprah again! I've missed an entire season already! I could have done without the phone, but the package deal was cheaper than the cable and internet alone...I really don't understand that, but whatever.

It's a happy day in this house! Can't wait until the man gets home...he might even drop a tear for the cable - he's been waiting sooo long! LOL

PS: Mama, Oaxaca is in Mexico! (Not *that* far) Go here to learn about it!

I Love Me Some Him

Today is the man's birthday.

For an entire year he has taken care of me as I navigated nursing school. For an entire year he has worked to turn other people's ideas about him on their head. And for an entire year I have been amazed by his strength, his growth, and his ability to provide for me.

I am so thankful.

How I Know There is a God

Last semester I was selected (randomly) to participate in a writing workshop series (I posted about it here) headed by a prominent surgeon and writer at the university. But on the day the class was supposed to start I got the dreaded "maybe you're not cut out for nursing school" letter (this post and this one). So, of course, I couldn't attend because I was somewhere losing my mind over the situation.

Well, I had the unpleasant opportunity to meet this man a couple months later under the following circumstances:

We had a creative writing awards ceremony for which he was a special guest. The school rented this snazzy upscale old-money establishment to host the function. I arrived dressed well, as I always do, and volunteered to greet people at the door of the cocktail area with another student. Up comes this man who starts to talk to me.

Him: "You guys did a really good job with the place. Can I have something to drink?"

Me: "Sure sir, it's right in there." (pointing to the cocktail room, where he was headed anyway)

(At this point I'm thinking, he thinks I work here.)

Him: "Oh." -He stumbled a little, and I steadied him by the elbow.- "Thanks, gosh I need you to just lead me around all night" -chuckle- "What time will you be serving the food?" (or something like that)

Me: "Hmm. I believe they are serving it already, right in there."

Him: "Oh, you don't work here?" (Mmm hmm, I knew it.)

Me: "No. Actually I'm a student."

Him: "A student where?"

Me: "Here." (This is all I said because I'm thinking, this is a school function, what school do you think I go to?)

Him: "Where?" (I know, it's oh-so-friggin unbelievable)

Me: "Here. At the university."

Him: "Oh. Oh. Ok, I see. Well you have to excuse me, I'm an old man."

Yeah. OK. So after he excuses himself, a girl who had witnessed the exchange comes up and asks if I know who he is. She tells me he is the man who taught the workshop series and is a very important man, with old, famous books and such. I say "I don't give a damn" and she laughs. My frustration lasted only a few moments (free wine at the event helped me a little, LOL) and I truly gave this man the benefit of the doubt - old age + privlege can sometimes = true ignorance, and not necessarily racism.

But then something else happened:

We were assigned a reading for this special workshop we're having this Friday with the medical students. We were given two books of short stories with an assigned reading from each. The stories are supposed to be about power - how to appropriately use the power we are given as primary care providers. Today in class I was bored and needed something to read. I hadn't looked at the books yet and didn't know who wrote them, I just pulled out the first one and started reading the story assigned. The context of the story is that a black man comes into the ER escorted by police with a big gash across his forehead and non-cooperative. The surgeon is tired and in no mood for the situation. The police man are not doing a good job of keeping the man calm. Here are some excerpts:

"...A huge black man is escorted by four policeman into the emergency room. He is handcuffed. At the door, the man rears...Again and again he throws his head and shoulders forward, then back, rearing, roaring. The police man ride him like parasites. Had he horns, he would gore them...The man is hugely drunk - toxic, fuming, murderous, - a great mystic beast...his very wildness which suggests less a human than a great and beautiful animal...He roars something, not quite language..."

and on and on and on, until we learn that the doctor stitches the man's ears down to the table so that he will be still (or he will rip his own ears off.)

I cried when I read this passage. I thought, how is it that they can get away with assigning this reading. I know the excuse is going to be that we assigned something that would definitely spark discussion for Friday, and this piece is about power. But AT WHAT COST? There is ONE black male student in our entire school. How dare you?