The street's blocked off.
Fireworks are being shot into the air - illegally, cause that's just how it is in Omaha.
My family is gathered and eating BBQ.
One of my best friends called me (it's her birthday today) and her life is good.
And my brother is having a blast, I'm sure.
I can not call. It would make me crazy.
Somebody kiss them for me.
Showing posts with label Missing Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Missing Family. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
What Does One Say?
...when a major stressor in their life for the last 6+ months finally ends?
Nothing...yet. I have a Psych exam after lunch today and a Pharm exam in the morning. But by God, tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon I will celebrate as though I've never passed a class in my life and then I will spend the weekend in a great city before going home.
Home. To my mama.
Now that I think about it, that's probably what I'll say.
Take me home, I want my mama.
Nothing...yet. I have a Psych exam after lunch today and a Pharm exam in the morning. But by God, tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon I will celebrate as though I've never passed a class in my life and then I will spend the weekend in a great city before going home.
Home. To my mama.
Now that I think about it, that's probably what I'll say.
Take me home, I want my mama.
Monday, October 23, 2006
A Happy Place
I went to one of my favorite sites for decoding medical abbreviations, thefreedictionary.com, and saw that on this day in 1958, the Smurfs were invented. Instantly, I remembered watching Saturday morning cartoons. It makes me smile inside to remember my childhood. It was great. Really great. Right now I realize that I'd love to go home and climb into my mother's bed and watch a little Discovery Channel.
Storing this moment into my mental happy place rolodex.
I Always Say
...I miss fat people. Well, I have the perfect example to illustrate why that is:
Last wednesday evening, I was studying for the 2nd med surg exam with my student mentor, who also happens to be the TA for the course. Her friend and roomate is the only big girl in their class of 60+. (I am the only big girl in my class of 80+) And let me just say, by "big" I mean "not skinny, and a little past thick," or for those of you who don't mind the term, FAT. Anyway, this big girl came over to us and was distraught. For real. Why? Because someone had the audacity to come up to her and her physical assessment partner and tell her partner that he shouldn't do his physical assessment (which included a breast exam) on her because the bigger the person is, the more time it takes to do the assessment, and if you don't finish the assessment in the allotted amount of time, you get docked points. And he was risking points by choosing her as a lab partner because she was big, and her breasts were big. (This all happened a few feet away from me)
Now. Ok. This is true, it takes a little more time to do an assessment on a fat person because (duh) there's fat covering their entire body. So, when you're feeling around the stomach for example, you gotta press harder, and sometimes you still don't feel what you're looking for. It is especially hard to palpate (feel) for the liver and bladder when someone has a lot of adipose tissue (fat) or sometimes hearing the heartbeat is a little harder because (duh) the stethoscope can be much farther away from the heart depending on the amount of fat or skin. But even with that, we're talking a significant amount of fat, which no one in this program is big enough for this to be the issue. It's the difference between doing a breast exam on a small breast and a large breast - there's more breast to assess, if that makes sense.
Regardless:
1. This is the most skewed cross-section of a population I've ever seen. There are more pre-pubescent body types in our class than in an issue of 17 magazine. So here we are doing all these practice exams on people with no body fat at all, when the US population more often has a little fat than not. People had better get used to touching/feeling fat people. The day when you simply pretend they didn't exist is long gone for you, future NP. Everyday you will be confronted with us, and I dare you to act like you don't want to touch my skin.
2. Who the hell are you to walk up to two people who aren't even talking to you and voice your idiotic opinion to make some one feel inferior? Yes, I know we have the cute little saying that no one can make you feel inferior with out your consent, but I'm here to tell you, words hurt even the strong and the brave, sometimes. Hell, my feelings were hurt, and she wasn't even talking to me. Just from one fat girl to another.
3. Why the hell are we being so competitive? It's a freaking POINT. Isn't the measly point worth getting hands-on experience with someone whose body type actually mimics the actual patient population?
4. It's a d-e-m-o-n-s-t-r-a-t-i-o-n, meaning, you aren't actually trying to find something wrong, you are simply trying to demonstrate that you know *how* to look for something, you aren't actually assessing whether the person has a S3 heart sound, just that you know *where* and *how* you would put the stethoscope to hear it. So, really, you aren't spending that many more seconds than anyone else.
Maybe people are wondering why this matters so much to me. It matters because the lack of diverse body types is sometimes isolating in itself. But to have someone actually think they can actually walk up and comment on your weight/size/shape is especially troubling. I know we spend a lot of time assessing health, so it's only natural to observe those right in front of you, but there has to be respect. Being fat (or black, or jewish or anything else) does not mean that you have the right to inspect, evaluate or *touch* yes, I said touch! me. And, if you do decide to interrupt my private conversation and make a a comment *about* me, please have the decency of saying it *to* me, instead of talking about me, right in front of me, as though I am invisible.
I wanted to say something to the girl who made this comment, but I can't fight other people's battles for them.
I wanted to post something else today. I am reading Alice Walker right now, and realize that something is about to change in me. But now, I don't have the time.
Last wednesday evening, I was studying for the 2nd med surg exam with my student mentor, who also happens to be the TA for the course. Her friend and roomate is the only big girl in their class of 60+. (I am the only big girl in my class of 80+) And let me just say, by "big" I mean "not skinny, and a little past thick," or for those of you who don't mind the term, FAT. Anyway, this big girl came over to us and was distraught. For real. Why? Because someone had the audacity to come up to her and her physical assessment partner and tell her partner that he shouldn't do his physical assessment (which included a breast exam) on her because the bigger the person is, the more time it takes to do the assessment, and if you don't finish the assessment in the allotted amount of time, you get docked points. And he was risking points by choosing her as a lab partner because she was big, and her breasts were big. (This all happened a few feet away from me)
Now. Ok. This is true, it takes a little more time to do an assessment on a fat person because (duh) there's fat covering their entire body. So, when you're feeling around the stomach for example, you gotta press harder, and sometimes you still don't feel what you're looking for. It is especially hard to palpate (feel) for the liver and bladder when someone has a lot of adipose tissue (fat) or sometimes hearing the heartbeat is a little harder because (duh) the stethoscope can be much farther away from the heart depending on the amount of fat or skin. But even with that, we're talking a significant amount of fat, which no one in this program is big enough for this to be the issue. It's the difference between doing a breast exam on a small breast and a large breast - there's more breast to assess, if that makes sense.
Regardless:
1. This is the most skewed cross-section of a population I've ever seen. There are more pre-pubescent body types in our class than in an issue of 17 magazine. So here we are doing all these practice exams on people with no body fat at all, when the US population more often has a little fat than not. People had better get used to touching/feeling fat people. The day when you simply pretend they didn't exist is long gone for you, future NP. Everyday you will be confronted with us, and I dare you to act like you don't want to touch my skin.
2. Who the hell are you to walk up to two people who aren't even talking to you and voice your idiotic opinion to make some one feel inferior? Yes, I know we have the cute little saying that no one can make you feel inferior with out your consent, but I'm here to tell you, words hurt even the strong and the brave, sometimes. Hell, my feelings were hurt, and she wasn't even talking to me. Just from one fat girl to another.
3. Why the hell are we being so competitive? It's a freaking POINT. Isn't the measly point worth getting hands-on experience with someone whose body type actually mimics the actual patient population?
4. It's a d-e-m-o-n-s-t-r-a-t-i-o-n, meaning, you aren't actually trying to find something wrong, you are simply trying to demonstrate that you know *how* to look for something, you aren't actually assessing whether the person has a S3 heart sound, just that you know *where* and *how* you would put the stethoscope to hear it. So, really, you aren't spending that many more seconds than anyone else.
Maybe people are wondering why this matters so much to me. It matters because the lack of diverse body types is sometimes isolating in itself. But to have someone actually think they can actually walk up and comment on your weight/size/shape is especially troubling. I know we spend a lot of time assessing health, so it's only natural to observe those right in front of you, but there has to be respect. Being fat (or black, or jewish or anything else) does not mean that you have the right to inspect, evaluate or *touch* yes, I said touch! me. And, if you do decide to interrupt my private conversation and make a a comment *about* me, please have the decency of saying it *to* me, instead of talking about me, right in front of me, as though I am invisible.
I wanted to say something to the girl who made this comment, but I can't fight other people's battles for them.
I wanted to post something else today. I am reading Alice Walker right now, and realize that something is about to change in me. But now, I don't have the time.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Odds and Ends 2 (or Three)
I spent the weekend tending to myself as much as possible (outside of a test review session on Saturday, studying for a couple hours each day, and a million freaking flashcards).
Friday, I skipped happy hour and went to a film festival at a museum to see a documentary. It was an excellent film about a family trying to move out of some housing projects into their own home. It really was excellent. It made me think about the mentality of poverty and how if you're only used to people taking advantage of you, how will you ever trust anyone enough to allow them to do something really positive for you, like help you buy a home. You're always looking for the catch. And usually there is one, but not always. It made me wonder how come more programs like the one featured in the film (home-ownership programs) were not being utilized if they cost less than public housing to run. In the back of mind I hear "conspiracy," but I am trying to not see it that way because that leaves a sinking hole in my stomach and that's the last kind of feeling I want to deal with right now. It's one of those "call to action" type things, and I just cannot be called to any other actions outside of nursing school right now!
I also finished last season's Desperate Housewives so that I was all caught up for last night's episode, and watched one of my new favs, "Brothers and Sisters." I should take a minute to talk about my disgust at the images of black men on Desperate Housewives last season, but I don't have the energy.
I also had a very interesting conversation with someone about judgement this weekend. Ever since I got here and have been vocal about not liking a local specialty food mart (ie; organic, health mart) people have taken that as license to discuss what they perceive my eating habits to be. This ticks me off beyond belief. So now it's all about Kool-Aid jokes (one of the items I mentioned I couldn't get at said specialty mart) and how me and my husband are gonna die of diabetes (a recent lecture was on diabetes and DKA) NO KIDDING, someone actually said this to me. Needless to say, I went off. I had been keeping my mouth shut because I didn't want to be defensive about it, but once you think you can tell me when and how me and my husband are going to die, all bets are off. So, I got on my soapbox. Is this how you're going to talk to your patients? If so, say goodbye to continuity of care because I guarantee you they aren't coming back to your office. How do you know what my health outcome is before you've even asked ONE question? How do you know that my Kool-Aid isn't sweetened with Equal or Splenda? How do you know that 2 quarts lasts me a week and a half? We have to be very careful about making a diagnosis about someone just by looking at them! "Well, it's also genetic, so since you're dad has it, so will you." Careful, careful, I do believe that in order for me to aquire a disease *genetically* I must be *genetically* related to the person...I am not *genetically* related to my "dad" (because he's my stepdad) and if you had of taken the time to ASK me ONE question, you might have known that, and thereby been able to keep from putting your foot in your mouth! So, that's what the hell I'm dealing with in my classmates.
Like I've said a million times, I miss fat people. Brown people. Poor people. I hope they all contract Ecoli from their lettuce and spinanch. LOL Nah, I'm just kidding, but I do hope they learn to be less judgemental...
Friday, I skipped happy hour and went to a film festival at a museum to see a documentary. It was an excellent film about a family trying to move out of some housing projects into their own home. It really was excellent. It made me think about the mentality of poverty and how if you're only used to people taking advantage of you, how will you ever trust anyone enough to allow them to do something really positive for you, like help you buy a home. You're always looking for the catch. And usually there is one, but not always. It made me wonder how come more programs like the one featured in the film (home-ownership programs) were not being utilized if they cost less than public housing to run. In the back of mind I hear "conspiracy," but I am trying to not see it that way because that leaves a sinking hole in my stomach and that's the last kind of feeling I want to deal with right now. It's one of those "call to action" type things, and I just cannot be called to any other actions outside of nursing school right now!
I also finished last season's Desperate Housewives so that I was all caught up for last night's episode, and watched one of my new favs, "Brothers and Sisters." I should take a minute to talk about my disgust at the images of black men on Desperate Housewives last season, but I don't have the energy.
I also had a very interesting conversation with someone about judgement this weekend. Ever since I got here and have been vocal about not liking a local specialty food mart (ie; organic, health mart) people have taken that as license to discuss what they perceive my eating habits to be. This ticks me off beyond belief. So now it's all about Kool-Aid jokes (one of the items I mentioned I couldn't get at said specialty mart) and how me and my husband are gonna die of diabetes (a recent lecture was on diabetes and DKA) NO KIDDING, someone actually said this to me. Needless to say, I went off. I had been keeping my mouth shut because I didn't want to be defensive about it, but once you think you can tell me when and how me and my husband are going to die, all bets are off. So, I got on my soapbox. Is this how you're going to talk to your patients? If so, say goodbye to continuity of care because I guarantee you they aren't coming back to your office. How do you know what my health outcome is before you've even asked ONE question? How do you know that my Kool-Aid isn't sweetened with Equal or Splenda? How do you know that 2 quarts lasts me a week and a half? We have to be very careful about making a diagnosis about someone just by looking at them! "Well, it's also genetic, so since you're dad has it, so will you." Careful, careful, I do believe that in order for me to aquire a disease *genetically* I must be *genetically* related to the person...I am not *genetically* related to my "dad" (because he's my stepdad) and if you had of taken the time to ASK me ONE question, you might have known that, and thereby been able to keep from putting your foot in your mouth! So, that's what the hell I'm dealing with in my classmates.
Like I've said a million times, I miss fat people. Brown people. Poor people. I hope they all contract Ecoli from their lettuce and spinanch. LOL Nah, I'm just kidding, but I do hope they learn to be less judgemental...
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