Today is the man's birthday.
For an entire year he has taken care of me as I navigated nursing school. For an entire year he has worked to turn other people's ideas about him on their head. And for an entire year I have been amazed by his strength, his growth, and his ability to provide for me.
I am so thankful.
Showing posts with label failing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label failing. Show all posts
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Errors in Preparing for an Exam
I went to talk to my community health professor (you should always do this when you don't get a good grade on a test and you don't know exactly why) to analyze my test. Actually my friend and usual study partner went with me, so I'm going to tell you both of our errors when it came to this exam:
1. I read every article assigned and could have answered multiple questions on any of them. The problem was that she asked ONE friggin question about these (oh 10 or so) articles! It was such a waste of time in that these classes are only 6 weeks long, only 2 tests determine your grade, and all tests are only multiple choice. You really don't have time to study stuff that won't be tested. I should have spent more time on the lecture material. but how would I have known this? I asked her before the exam if we would be tested over the articles and she said yes. But as I was studying the lecture material I thought, this is so much information...the test is only 50 questions...the first thing the teacher would avoid on this exam are the articles because they don't produce multiple choice questions as easily. I thought all of that out, but then told myself that I was over-thinking my strategy! LOL I should've stuck with my gut!
2. Almost all the questions I missed came from one lecture. So, there was one lecture that I just didn't study enough...don't know how that happened really, I study them all the same length of time...now I gotta figure out what it was about that lecture. Maybe I was glossing over the definitions or something...
3. The other questions I missed were just tricky questions. Twice I had the right answer and changed it. Go with your gut, I guess.
4. My friend got mixed up on some definitions...like the difference between community-based nurses, public health nurses, and community health nurses...easy to do because they're so close and for some of the definitions it seems that only one thing separates them and if you don't know that one thing, you're screwed. Pay attention to the nuances between definitions that sound strikingly similar.
5. About objectives. Objectives are a mixed bag. Professors think they are really doing something when they give objectives, but sometimes their objectives pretty much tell you to know everything. Objectives that do not narrow down the study material are useless, I wish they would get that. Also, there were questions on the exam that were clearly NOT on the objectives, and when someone mentioned this to her she said "Oh, yeah I see that." WTF?! I guess my advice is to do the objectives, but only as a learning process - not as a method of narrowing down the info that you're going to study. (even though that's the point of objectives - to guide you to the important material)
1. I read every article assigned and could have answered multiple questions on any of them. The problem was that she asked ONE friggin question about these (oh 10 or so) articles! It was such a waste of time in that these classes are only 6 weeks long, only 2 tests determine your grade, and all tests are only multiple choice. You really don't have time to study stuff that won't be tested. I should have spent more time on the lecture material. but how would I have known this? I asked her before the exam if we would be tested over the articles and she said yes. But as I was studying the lecture material I thought, this is so much information...the test is only 50 questions...the first thing the teacher would avoid on this exam are the articles because they don't produce multiple choice questions as easily. I thought all of that out, but then told myself that I was over-thinking my strategy! LOL I should've stuck with my gut!
2. Almost all the questions I missed came from one lecture. So, there was one lecture that I just didn't study enough...don't know how that happened really, I study them all the same length of time...now I gotta figure out what it was about that lecture. Maybe I was glossing over the definitions or something...
3. The other questions I missed were just tricky questions. Twice I had the right answer and changed it. Go with your gut, I guess.
4. My friend got mixed up on some definitions...like the difference between community-based nurses, public health nurses, and community health nurses...easy to do because they're so close and for some of the definitions it seems that only one thing separates them and if you don't know that one thing, you're screwed. Pay attention to the nuances between definitions that sound strikingly similar.
5. About objectives. Objectives are a mixed bag. Professors think they are really doing something when they give objectives, but sometimes their objectives pretty much tell you to know everything. Objectives that do not narrow down the study material are useless, I wish they would get that. Also, there were questions on the exam that were clearly NOT on the objectives, and when someone mentioned this to her she said "Oh, yeah I see that." WTF?! I guess my advice is to do the objectives, but only as a learning process - not as a method of narrowing down the info that you're going to study. (even though that's the point of objectives - to guide you to the important material)
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Community Health Midterm
I spend a lot of my nursing school career at the bottom of the class. It's a frustrating place to be. For our community health midterm the scores ranged from 73-98. A 74 is passing. Guess who got the 73? Prime example of how going to class isn't what makes a grade - I go to this class every day, I hardly go to Peds and did 15% points better on that exam. I am not an auditory learner, in fact I think class is a waste of time when the teacher is reading from PowerPoint because I could read that whole lecture in 20 mins, and then start working on memorizing it and get a lot more bang for my 2 hours, especially since we don't have class discussions (which I like). My professor will be surprised by my grade because I am the person in class who actually reads all the articles. Twice before the grades were posted she said "I'm sure you did great!" I said, "the grade I get is never an indication of how hard I studied" and it's true. Yeah I know, it's not how hard you study, but rather how effectively you study. By the time I figure out how to study for each class, the class is over! But my grade on this test is the result of studying at the last minute (the last few days before the exam instead of the day the class started) and not knowing what to expect or study because I had never taken one of her exams before. Also, I didn't study for this exam with my study partner, and I think that made the difference.
It's moments like these when I think, there is no PhD in my future because I am just t-i-r-e-d of school. It's raining and all I want to do is wrap myself in a quilt and read something tinted black.
It's moments like these when I think, there is no PhD in my future because I am just t-i-r-e-d of school. It's raining and all I want to do is wrap myself in a quilt and read something tinted black.
Monday, March 19, 2007
A Shift in Studying
Today is the first day of school after spring break (I'm still trying to get over it) but before I move on, I want to take a minute to talk about the shift in studying that happened for me last semester, especially in Biomed...
If you're new to the blog, you might want to read these entries first:
Part 1
Part 2
Basically, I was failing Biomed (miserably so) after 2 exams, but my second 2 exams were drastically better, and here's why:
1. I changed study partners. Previously, I had been studying with other people in a haphazard way, getting what I could from whomever I could and I met with the TA for the course. For the second half of the course, I gave myself permission to dismiss the TA because she was not helpful for me (another story all together) which was against the advice of most of those around me. Then I got together with a girl who I am actually good friends with, but hadn't ever studied with. It turns out that our styles were similar enough to make it work, but different enough to give me a new way to study. Mainly, the difference between studying with her and other folks was that 1) she was dedicated to massive study time that started well before any exam 2)she reviews older info while studying new info in a way that connects the info from the last exam to the new info and 3)she doesn't quit until she gets it (We both had similar studying habits in that we wrote down review questions for each lecture to guide our studying) And lastly, (small but important) we started every study session with positive affirmations. Doesn't that sound corny? LOL It did to me, too, at first, but then I got used to it and it was so fabulous!
2. I asked questions during the exam. Someone had failed to mention this tip to me before the first 2 exams, but once I got the tip, I was amazed. This is extremely problematic to me, but it's the reality: the professor offers significant help with understanding his questions during the exam if you simply go up and ask. And because the questions are so bad, it's necessary to go ask. I hate this. But it worked (for this class).
3. I changed the way I read the notes. Instead of sitting and reading a lecture (between 6 and 12 pages, single spaced) straight through, I would read one page at a time, completely unpacking each sentence as I went. His notes are incredibly dense, and this was the only way to get everything I needed out of every sentence. I also stopped to look up every unfamiliar term (which added sooo much time to my studying) because I did not have the background information for what he was talking about. ie: he would be talking about the hormones of the anterior pituitary and I would have to find a text book (or get online) and find out what those hormones were and what they did before I could move on. After all the reading and note-taking in the margins, I would reorganize the notes so they made sense - especially chronologically - which his notes lacked. Btu I was always careful to keep the notes in his language (using his terminology) as well as my own, because the test questions are obviously in his language. I also had to look up synonyms to major vocabulary terminology because he would use one word through out his notes, but then use a synonym of the term on the exam! (so friggin irritating, tricky, and unnecessary!) So while reading, I would write synonyms for terms on the notes.
These changes were probably the most constructive as far as being able to give someone advice on how to study for this course, but the last thing I did was the most necessary for me, personally:
4. I took time to look inward:
"...I spent an enormous amount of time confronting my issues (because no one can make you feel inferior without your consent), rebuilding my confidence (because it was gone), and reassessing and recommitting to my purpose (because it’s the only way to survive this experience, I think). This involved journaling, reading my writing, including my admissions essays, and goal updating/refining. It was hard work, and, honestly, it left me exhausted, which is one of the reasons why I hope I don’t have to do it again soon."
I also did a few things right before the exams, like being quizzed by other people, reviewing charts made by others, and checking in with friends about my anxiety levels.
If you're new to the blog, you might want to read these entries first:
Part 1
Part 2
Basically, I was failing Biomed (miserably so) after 2 exams, but my second 2 exams were drastically better, and here's why:
1. I changed study partners. Previously, I had been studying with other people in a haphazard way, getting what I could from whomever I could and I met with the TA for the course. For the second half of the course, I gave myself permission to dismiss the TA because she was not helpful for me (another story all together) which was against the advice of most of those around me. Then I got together with a girl who I am actually good friends with, but hadn't ever studied with. It turns out that our styles were similar enough to make it work, but different enough to give me a new way to study. Mainly, the difference between studying with her and other folks was that 1) she was dedicated to massive study time that started well before any exam 2)she reviews older info while studying new info in a way that connects the info from the last exam to the new info and 3)she doesn't quit until she gets it (We both had similar studying habits in that we wrote down review questions for each lecture to guide our studying) And lastly, (small but important) we started every study session with positive affirmations. Doesn't that sound corny? LOL It did to me, too, at first, but then I got used to it and it was so fabulous!
2. I asked questions during the exam. Someone had failed to mention this tip to me before the first 2 exams, but once I got the tip, I was amazed. This is extremely problematic to me, but it's the reality: the professor offers significant help with understanding his questions during the exam if you simply go up and ask. And because the questions are so bad, it's necessary to go ask. I hate this. But it worked (for this class).
3. I changed the way I read the notes. Instead of sitting and reading a lecture (between 6 and 12 pages, single spaced) straight through, I would read one page at a time, completely unpacking each sentence as I went. His notes are incredibly dense, and this was the only way to get everything I needed out of every sentence. I also stopped to look up every unfamiliar term (which added sooo much time to my studying) because I did not have the background information for what he was talking about. ie: he would be talking about the hormones of the anterior pituitary and I would have to find a text book (or get online) and find out what those hormones were and what they did before I could move on. After all the reading and note-taking in the margins, I would reorganize the notes so they made sense - especially chronologically - which his notes lacked. Btu I was always careful to keep the notes in his language (using his terminology) as well as my own, because the test questions are obviously in his language. I also had to look up synonyms to major vocabulary terminology because he would use one word through out his notes, but then use a synonym of the term on the exam! (so friggin irritating, tricky, and unnecessary!) So while reading, I would write synonyms for terms on the notes.
These changes were probably the most constructive as far as being able to give someone advice on how to study for this course, but the last thing I did was the most necessary for me, personally:
4. I took time to look inward:
"...I spent an enormous amount of time confronting my issues (because no one can make you feel inferior without your consent), rebuilding my confidence (because it was gone), and reassessing and recommitting to my purpose (because it’s the only way to survive this experience, I think). This involved journaling, reading my writing, including my admissions essays, and goal updating/refining. It was hard work, and, honestly, it left me exhausted, which is one of the reasons why I hope I don’t have to do it again soon."
I also did a few things right before the exams, like being quizzed by other people, reviewing charts made by others, and checking in with friends about my anxiety levels.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
“You’re Not Cut Out for Nursing School” Part 2
Here’s what I did after that:
I went to speak with the associate dean (this was like 2 days after the letter, before I had rebuilt my reserve and confidence). She was very supportive, and this is the benefit of having a conscious person of color in administration; They take up the battle for you, and you get to go back to concentrating on yourself. You don’t have to explain all the psychological damage, they already get it…they’ve been through it. You don’t have to convince them that you aren’t crazy – which helps because when something like this happens you really do feel like you’re losing it, and if you’re the kind of person who takes your life seriously (and thinks about it critically) you start to think you might be crazy and you’d have a hard time convincing someone else that you aren’t! She met with me and then met with him to discuss the situation on my behalf…and then encouraged me to meet with him myself later. She also made it concretely clear that I wasn’t leaving the program. But, honestly, I didn’t believe her.
Then, I gathered up all my friends, mostly students of color who I’ve built a very solid community with, and a few others, and explained what was going on. (The associate dean was very concerned about the whole “everyone one is struggling alone” thing) Another student in this little community had also had the same experience, and so there was comfort in that. And basically, they rallied around us and gave an immeasurable amount of support. I can hardly explain it, but it was the difference between trying to push against a closed door by yourself, versus having 5 other people pushing against it with you, if that makes sense. So we discussed a few strategies, made the commitment to check in on each other over the Thanksgiving holiday, and to come back with more ideas on how we could help the two of us get the scores we needed to pass the class and stay in the program. For one of the very first times in my life, here was a group of young black people who really felt like if one of us failed, we all failed, and failure was not an option. Not to be mushy, but I think this is what love looks like when it is separated from romance.
So, I went on break and I spent an enormous amount of time confronting my issues (because no one can make you feel inferior without your consent), rebuilding my confidence (because it was gone), and reassessing and recommitting to my purpose (because it’s the only way to survive this experience, I think). This involved journaling, reading my writing, including my admissions essays, and goal updating/refining. It was hard work, and, honestly, it left me exhausted, which is one of the reasons why I hope I don’t have to do it again soon.
Then I came back to school (somewhat renewed, but still a little worried, obviously) and, as promised, my friends’ suggestions started pouring in. I received a total of 36 emails in a weeks time, all concerning Biomed. I studied with different people, I was quizzed by different people, and I took the advice of every person seriously. Then I met with the professor and analyzed my last two tests. I told him my concerns and cornered him about the material a million times (Like: “Why is this the answer instead of this, when these two things are exactly the same?” or “You said to study these objectives, but the answers to the practice questions you posted do not come from these objectives, where do they come from?”) Then I took the test…early…in a room by myself, and I asked him questions during the exam, which I had never done before (thanks for that advice, K) and found that it is absolutely necessary to do so in order to get the grade you deserve. I think this is very, very problematic, but that’s for another post, another day. What matters in this moment, for this post, is this:
I needed a 77, but I got a 90.
Don’t put me in a box, don’t underestimate me, and don’t think you know me. I am serious about this thing I’m doing, and I don’t intend to change my goals based on your limited knowledge of who you think I am or what you think I can achieve. And what’s even better, my friends refuse to look up one day only to realize that one of us didn’t make it – and I am learning that of all the things that went right with this experience, that one has had the greatest impact.
I went to speak with the associate dean (this was like 2 days after the letter, before I had rebuilt my reserve and confidence). She was very supportive, and this is the benefit of having a conscious person of color in administration; They take up the battle for you, and you get to go back to concentrating on yourself. You don’t have to explain all the psychological damage, they already get it…they’ve been through it. You don’t have to convince them that you aren’t crazy – which helps because when something like this happens you really do feel like you’re losing it, and if you’re the kind of person who takes your life seriously (and thinks about it critically) you start to think you might be crazy and you’d have a hard time convincing someone else that you aren’t! She met with me and then met with him to discuss the situation on my behalf…and then encouraged me to meet with him myself later. She also made it concretely clear that I wasn’t leaving the program. But, honestly, I didn’t believe her.
Then, I gathered up all my friends, mostly students of color who I’ve built a very solid community with, and a few others, and explained what was going on. (The associate dean was very concerned about the whole “everyone one is struggling alone” thing) Another student in this little community had also had the same experience, and so there was comfort in that. And basically, they rallied around us and gave an immeasurable amount of support. I can hardly explain it, but it was the difference between trying to push against a closed door by yourself, versus having 5 other people pushing against it with you, if that makes sense. So we discussed a few strategies, made the commitment to check in on each other over the Thanksgiving holiday, and to come back with more ideas on how we could help the two of us get the scores we needed to pass the class and stay in the program. For one of the very first times in my life, here was a group of young black people who really felt like if one of us failed, we all failed, and failure was not an option. Not to be mushy, but I think this is what love looks like when it is separated from romance.
So, I went on break and I spent an enormous amount of time confronting my issues (because no one can make you feel inferior without your consent), rebuilding my confidence (because it was gone), and reassessing and recommitting to my purpose (because it’s the only way to survive this experience, I think). This involved journaling, reading my writing, including my admissions essays, and goal updating/refining. It was hard work, and, honestly, it left me exhausted, which is one of the reasons why I hope I don’t have to do it again soon.
Then I came back to school (somewhat renewed, but still a little worried, obviously) and, as promised, my friends’ suggestions started pouring in. I received a total of 36 emails in a weeks time, all concerning Biomed. I studied with different people, I was quizzed by different people, and I took the advice of every person seriously. Then I met with the professor and analyzed my last two tests. I told him my concerns and cornered him about the material a million times (Like: “Why is this the answer instead of this, when these two things are exactly the same?” or “You said to study these objectives, but the answers to the practice questions you posted do not come from these objectives, where do they come from?”) Then I took the test…early…in a room by myself, and I asked him questions during the exam, which I had never done before (thanks for that advice, K) and found that it is absolutely necessary to do so in order to get the grade you deserve. I think this is very, very problematic, but that’s for another post, another day. What matters in this moment, for this post, is this:
I needed a 77, but I got a 90.
Don’t put me in a box, don’t underestimate me, and don’t think you know me. I am serious about this thing I’m doing, and I don’t intend to change my goals based on your limited knowledge of who you think I am or what you think I can achieve. And what’s even better, my friends refuse to look up one day only to realize that one of us didn’t make it – and I am learning that of all the things that went right with this experience, that one has had the greatest impact.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Yet Again
It's just not even funny. LOL I did worse this time than I did the first time, although I knew the information better. This is why that meeting with the dean was so necesssary. I swear, this is crazy. I just shot the professor an email, asking what he'd like me to do. The first time I did this, he told me not to worry about it, a lot of people failed it. He recommended I have a session with the TA, which I did. I followed every bit of her advice. I wonder what he will say this time...
Monday, October 09, 2006
The Embarrassment of Ignorance
I don't know how I did on biomed yet, but the class average is below failing. (He gave us the average but no specific grades until tomorrow) People still swear they didn't have a hard time with the test. When I finished the exam I said how hard I thought it was, but most other students said they didn't think it was too bad - even though word around campus at that time was that it didn't go so well. (TAs get the scores before we do and they start the general buzz about whether it was good or bad) So what we have here is people who are unwilling to admit that they find the material difficult. The problem with this is that it makes it seem as though only one or two people have a problem - which means those one or two people should take time out of their already impossible schedule to go visit the professor on their own time, when, in fact, the class as a whole doesn't understand what's going on and therefore the material should be explained in a different way...or something.
Then, I failed the med math exam, too. Yep, I'm just failing all over the place. And, of course, everyone says they think they did well - nevermind the fact that you get your score right after you finish the exam! You should know how you did. But anyway, so I am expecting to go to the math office for my remediation tutoring and have plenty of one on one help. Ha! Instead I find at least 20 people in the damn hallway- and this is 15 minutes before the tutoring sessions even began! But everyone did so well.
It's one thing to BS your way through plot summarization in lit class, but it's a whole different world to attempt to BS your way through nursing school. You can't fake it. If you give someone the wrong med, the wrong dose, or at the wrong time you could actually kill someone, ie: K+. Potassium is what we use to kill people on death row by lethal injection. How the hell do you gloss over the fact that you don't know how to properly administer that? Is it really that embarrassing to not know all the answers? Do type A people base their self worth on how much they know, are they really that competitive? I used to think I was a Type A, but now I don't think so. I took the test and I came out 44. I guess I'm neither, which seems right. I am embarrassed by ignorance only if it seems like something I really should know. But I am not embarrassed to not get it on the first try, and I don't think anyone should be. How does one learn anything if they swear they already know everything?
Then, I failed the med math exam, too. Yep, I'm just failing all over the place. And, of course, everyone says they think they did well - nevermind the fact that you get your score right after you finish the exam! You should know how you did. But anyway, so I am expecting to go to the math office for my remediation tutoring and have plenty of one on one help. Ha! Instead I find at least 20 people in the damn hallway- and this is 15 minutes before the tutoring sessions even began! But everyone did so well.
It's one thing to BS your way through plot summarization in lit class, but it's a whole different world to attempt to BS your way through nursing school. You can't fake it. If you give someone the wrong med, the wrong dose, or at the wrong time you could actually kill someone, ie: K+. Potassium is what we use to kill people on death row by lethal injection. How the hell do you gloss over the fact that you don't know how to properly administer that? Is it really that embarrassing to not know all the answers? Do type A people base their self worth on how much they know, are they really that competitive? I used to think I was a Type A, but now I don't think so. I took the test and I came out 44. I guess I'm neither, which seems right. I am embarrassed by ignorance only if it seems like something I really should know. But I am not embarrassed to not get it on the first try, and I don't think anyone should be. How does one learn anything if they swear they already know everything?
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I Couldn't Even Finish
I failed the A&P test miserably. In fact, I didn't even allow myself to see the score, I just completely exited from the test. There was no need to finish because I was on question 60 (Of 87) and had only answered 10 questions-and all of those were 1-pointers! And the test just kept getting harder and harder. (I read the whole thing - in awe - just to make sure there weren't any that I knew floating around at the end)
I can't believe I'm headed right back to A&P. So many hours of my life wasted last year. What kind of education did I really get? I got decent grades in this course (a B for fall semester and a C+ for spring semester) but couldn't even begin to crack this test. 19 credit hours. I took 19 damn credit hours to fit A&P into my fall schedule. Do you know how hard that was? Apparently not hard enough.
In all fairness to my agonizing soul, the test was *incredibly* hard. I think most people made this an open note, open book test because it was online and to be taken in the privacy of your own home. I know the girl sitting next to me did. "Just use the book," she said. I could've and passed it easily, but there's that nagging matter of integrity. But are there ever moments when one gets off her internal high horse and takes the low road? Was it really worth me spending FOUR HOURS every Friday of the next three and a half months in a class I already took for a whole year? I had doubts about my ability to do the work before I got here (because I know the inadequacy of my math and science public education) but it's different when you actually begin the work. It messes you up psychologically.
So, today I experienced my first (surely over-exaggerated) catastrophe, and I am asking myself, "Are you gonna go home and cry, or open your med surg book and read for tomorrow's lecture?"
I can't believe I'm headed right back to A&P. So many hours of my life wasted last year. What kind of education did I really get? I got decent grades in this course (a B for fall semester and a C+ for spring semester) but couldn't even begin to crack this test. 19 credit hours. I took 19 damn credit hours to fit A&P into my fall schedule. Do you know how hard that was? Apparently not hard enough.
In all fairness to my agonizing soul, the test was *incredibly* hard. I think most people made this an open note, open book test because it was online and to be taken in the privacy of your own home. I know the girl sitting next to me did. "Just use the book," she said. I could've and passed it easily, but there's that nagging matter of integrity. But are there ever moments when one gets off her internal high horse and takes the low road? Was it really worth me spending FOUR HOURS every Friday of the next three and a half months in a class I already took for a whole year? I had doubts about my ability to do the work before I got here (because I know the inadequacy of my math and science public education) but it's different when you actually begin the work. It messes you up psychologically.
So, today I experienced my first (surely over-exaggerated) catastrophe, and I am asking myself, "Are you gonna go home and cry, or open your med surg book and read for tomorrow's lecture?"
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