Mean and Other things

So Mean.

I have this reputation, but I think people with limited vocabularies don’t really mean it…they just don’t know what else to call it. I’ve been called a “serious” person also…I think that’s more accurate. But anyway, in the meantime, I’ve been thinking about where this came from.

We’re all in our mid-late twenties (my friends and family I spend most of my time with). It’s the men who always say that I am so mean. Well, I think one issue is that they all have very young girlfriends. Why does this matter? They aren’t women yet. They never say what they really feel, they act as though they don’t have any intelligent thoughts of their own. Therefore, in a group setting, I am the only outspoken female. That, and the fact that I have less tact than they like – nevermind the fact that the men in our group setting never ever monitor, adjust or otherwise censor what they say- makes me "mean."

Second, I hold people personally accountable for their lives. I can’t help it. If you don’t want to think about anything other than Playstation, pop culture, and bikini models, we aren’t going to have much to talk about. But, what this means is that I don’t last very long in group settings; I get bored fast. And so occasionally I ask a tough question…something like “are you looking for a job?” Man, so hard, I know.

The bottom line? I say what I want among a roomful of ego-filled men, and I don’t apologize for it and I don't pretend to like everybody. Really, I have a hard time having a beer with someone who slapped his girlfriend last night. Call me mean, but hell no I don't want to go bowling with you.

Anyway.

Last night I learned that a very, very good friend of mine might be pregnant again. I saw her not too long ago and she looked pregnant, but I dismissed it as gained weight - even though she had the pregnancy-mask face. But then my mom asked me about it, and I truthfully answered that I didn't think so. Then she asked me about it again. I said I have no idea. Yesterday, my cousin came over and said "I saw your friend at work today - you didn't tell me she was having another baby!" I said, "I don't think she is." He said "Oh yes! she is. It's obvious. She's wobbling."

Then everything started to add up. She's been incognito. For months. She didn't come to my graduation party. At the time I didn't think much of it because NONE of my friends came. (A whole 'nother post that will probably never be published, but simply put - it hurt and it sucked) But now I am realizing that she has not followed through with anything we have planned in the last few months. I haven't physically seen her for an extended period of time for over 4 months. She doesn't take my calls, but again -my other friends had stopped taking my calls too, so I just figured everybody was into their own stuff (which happens sometimes). But then there was this; my mom went to her house to visit her, and she only poked her head around the door (body hidden), she didn't let my mom in, which is very, very strange. So, now I think it might be true. What's the point? This is her 5th child. She's a good mother, but times are hard for us working poor. She doesn't have help. She's trying to do the honorable thing and raise her children without assistance form the government. But I can't imagine how this will be possible with a new little one, and only making minimum wage. I admire her tenacity.

I wish I could help her. I wish she would answer my calls. Eventually I will just show up at her house to talk to her. But how ackward. She obviously doesn't want anyone to know, but it kills me to know that she might be dealing with this without any support whatsoever. But exactly how supportive can I be, leaving in less than a month?