I Couldn't Even Finish

I failed the A&P test miserably. In fact, I didn't even allow myself to see the score, I just completely exited from the test. There was no need to finish because I was on question 60 (Of 87) and had only answered 10 questions-and all of those were 1-pointers! And the test just kept getting harder and harder. (I read the whole thing - in awe - just to make sure there weren't any that I knew floating around at the end)

I can't believe I'm headed right back to A&P. So many hours of my life wasted last year. What kind of education did I really get? I got decent grades in this course (a B for fall semester and a C+ for spring semester) but couldn't even begin to crack this test. 19 credit hours. I took 19 damn credit hours to fit A&P into my fall schedule. Do you know how hard that was? Apparently not hard enough.

In all fairness to my agonizing soul, the test was *incredibly* hard. I think most people made this an open note, open book test because it was online and to be taken in the privacy of your own home. I know the girl sitting next to me did. "Just use the book," she said. I could've and passed it easily, but there's that nagging matter of integrity. But are there ever moments when one gets off her internal high horse and takes the low road? Was it really worth me spending FOUR HOURS every Friday of the next three and a half months in a class I already took for a whole year? I had doubts about my ability to do the work before I got here (because I know the inadequacy of my math and science public education) but it's different when you actually begin the work. It messes you up psychologically.

So, today I experienced my first (surely over-exaggerated) catastrophe, and I am asking myself, "Are you gonna go home and cry, or open your med surg book and read for tomorrow's lecture?"